biteouttagrimes | IC CONTACT

[ a lot of messes to deal with, his boyfriend got ported out, the thing with Carl - he is not holding up at all. he is just sleeping through it and dealing with a problem at a time. ]

I'm alright. [ but it's better to lie since there is something else that matters a lot more than kaneki's ability to deal with his emotions ]

Rick, you have seen Carl's post, right?

I did, yeah. What about it?

[ Rick doesn't sound upset or even bothered by what Carl discussed/what he had to do. Hell, they've done a lot worse things in order to survive. ]

I was the one who gave him the bones to make the shivs. If it weren't for me, he wouldn't have to do something like that.

He needed a weapon. An' you needed to eat. I think you two benefited each other in a mutual sorta way.

[ A pause as he tries to read the situation a little better, tries to figure out why Kaneki felt compelled to talk to him about this. ]

I ain't upset about it...

[ it's hard to explain. Kaneki doesn't feel bad because of the guard, he doesn't think Carl killing the guard was unjustified.

it's just it was Carl killing him; not someone else, but Carl. because Kaneki gave him the weapon to do it ]

He shouldn't have to kill someone. If I hadn't given him the bones and ate them instead, he wouldn't have.

It's kill or be killed. He knows that. Even if Carl hadn't killed the guard, you had Lucifer who went through an' killed several. You gave him a way to defend himself, an' for a survivor like us -- that's the most important thing.

But he didn't have to be the one doing it. He didn't have to be the one spilling blood, others could have- [ done it, because they certainly did ]

He didn't have to carry that guard's bones. [ like how Kaneki caries the bones of every single person he hurt, of every single ghoul he killed. And they are heavy. No one should have to carry that. ]

Edited 2016-02-07 17:30 (UTC)

He did, though.

[ There's silence as he thinks of how best to phrase this. ]

I told you before 'bout the world we come from. If anyone was prepared to carry that burden, if anyone knows what it's like to survive, it's Carl. This ain't the first person he's killed. He killed people when he was just eleven years old. He had to put down his mother, my wife, when she gave birth to his sister an' wouldn't stop bleedin'. It was better to kill her that way than let her become a walker. That's the type of world he and I live in.

Do I wish it was different? Yeah. Do I wish he could have a normal life? Of course I do. But that ain't gonna happen back home. He's killed and he'll keep on killin' 'cause that's the way our world works. As long as he's doin' it for the right reasons -- then that blood stainin' his hands is better than it stainin' the hands of the innocent, the people who never killed or hurt anyone before.

So what you did wasn't wrong. You don't have to feel guilty over it.

[ but this place isn't "back home". That's the thing. He doesn't have to stain himself more just because he did it in his world. That's the whole point - Kaneki doesn't want others to stain themselves even more. Ever.

he does go silent for a moment though ]

.. alright, Rick. [ he is the father, so if Rick was angry, Ken knows he wouldn't hide it. Plusit's not his place to say anything more ]

Thank you for speaking to me.

Any time. I mean it. If you ever need anything -- give me a call. I'm glad you made it out alright.

[ It might be the wrong choice of word to say 'alright' because it doesn't really apply to Kaneki. But at least he's out in one piece and at least...he didn't have to turn on his fellow imPorts to feed his appetite. The whole situation could have been a lot worse. ]

... I know. I know that - thank you, Rick.

[ he didn't attack other imPorts, no. But he had to whisper gross things about wanting human flesh and organs to a guard, and had to eat said guard in front of them. ]

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